I am sober today!
It has been nine months and seventeen days (292 days) since I've had a drink of alcohol. For this I am proud.
I also do not feel emotions as I used to.
I suppose the best way to describe this is by saying I am now the conscious creator and guardian of my thoughts and emotions instead of the victim of the haphazard conjurings of my unconscious mind.
There was a time when misery was my master. It fed me depression as my daily bread with large cups of fear to quench my thirst. Desserts of despair rewarded my obedience.
Until the day I heard the call of my name from a higher realm- an emergence of consciousness beckoned me upwards and forward along the path of enlightenment into alignment with my authentic self.
Situations and circumstances worsened the moment I answered the call and escalated in severity the closer I got to the caller. Yet I persisted- all the while evolving out of unconscious awareness and deeper into higher levels of consciousness.
My core beliefs began to evolve from the perspective that life was against me and was causing bad things to happening to me into the understanding that I was the cause of the mayhem. I realized that I was perpetuating the negative things happening to me because I kept thinking negatively about the things happening around me. I began to pay close attention to sequences of events and monitored my thought patterns in conjunction with the events. Trouble still abounded but I began to make peace with what was going on. I slowed down my racing mind and began to think about what I was thinking about. My paradigm began shifting into the belief that life was happening for me- that things were happening to move me out of where I was into where I was suppose to be. I began to believe that I could truly have happiness and peace and that I deserved it. My life began to improve and it became visibly clear that I was becoming a different woman because I was thinking differently. I began to think of myself as a woman of confidence and purpose. I studied myself within situations and learned that my true power resided within my focused, deliberate thoughts and clear intentions. Immediately, life began happening through me- meaning that my thought life began to manifest in my reality.
I evolved from trying to fix, change, control, manipulate or eliminate circumstances to understanding that what was I was experiencing was an outward- physical- manifestation of the constructs of my own mind and that the only way my experiences would change would be if I changed my mind. I had to purge my mind of contaminated core beliefs and the character defects attached with them. Then, I created a new foundation of thought process for myself based on personal truths I created from a place of conscious clarity- excluding all contrary thoughts and ideologies of my past.
In doing so, with painstaking discipline and bulldog tenacity I have recovered myself.
So, today I speak of my sobriety as mental and emotional clarity within the renewed mind of my authentic actualized self. No longer do I suffer intoxication from low vibration emotions such as fear, anger, grief and powerlessness. I now thrive in and from a place of the higher vibrations of joy, love, happiness, and empowerment.
Things around me may not always be "coming up roses" but in my mind there is ALWAYS a bloom...
©2023, Asha Carraway
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